My First Novel (Rough Draft Chapter 3)

As you can see in the title, this is a very rough first draft of the novel I’ve been working on recently. I do have a first and second chapter written, but I have a very strong feeling I will be completely reworking, if not eliminating them, so I figured I’d start with the one I’m sure I’m going to keep. But that being said, keep in mind it is still the first draft. I have no edited it at all yet.

I’ve barely even read it all over once, so I apologize for the grammatical errors that I’m positive are there.

Nonetheless, I really hope you enjoy this little excerpt because although I’m in the very early stages of this ambitious project, I’m really, really excited to even be as far as I am.









Light began to pour into the huge space as two gigantic metal doors started to open. The metal roared as they slid away from each other, letting the shimmering blue sky engulf the blackness that had previously surrounded the pod.

Carly heard a low, humming noise as she felt the pod begin to shake; every part of her body vibrating. She looked out the small window that sat beside her.

The pod began to rise from the ground and she watched as the force of the wind it created blew the hair of the crew members below. They were hovering at least twenty feet off the ground now, and in an instant, the pod flew forward, jolting Carly’s head to the back of her seat. The pod steadied itself and glided effortlessly through the sky. She returned her view to the window and her jaw dropped in awe.

The view that was meeting her eyes was the most breathtaking sight she had ever seen. They were flying over a vast stretch of land. Lush green hills rolled for miles into the horizon, which was blocked by a towering mountain range, its peaks piercing through the clouds.

“Those clouds,” she said to herself in a whisper.

They were definitely clouds, but they weren’t white. They were a pale, baby blue. They were so light, they looked as if they were almost transparent.

Below them was a magical world filled with every color you could ever imagine. There were fields filled with flowers and people laying in the grass on picnic blankets, laughing and smiling. The roads that painted the ground were thin and winding. They were a red- copperish color and sparkled in the light of the sun.

The trees in a faraway forest looked impossibly large, with neon green vines hugging their every limb. The canopy was lush and filled with movement, and Carly imagined monkeys swinging from tree to tree, tropical birds singing in harmony as they flew over glistening streams.

The pod began to turn, shifting its course and then she saw the most magnificent sight of all. As the pod straightened itself out, and the powder blue clouds separated, an incredible, vibrant, sparkling city introduced itself to her eyes. Tall buildings, not the height of skyscrapers, but taller than an average parking garage stood firmly in the epicenter, the light reflecting off every one of its hundreds of silver window panes. In the middle of them stood the tallest building, but it stood proudly with every inch of it covered in a stunning gold, contrasting the sea of silver that surrounded it. Bordering the buildings on the outskirts were countless houses perched on hilltops and nestled in valleys. White smoke danced out of the chimneys. [ADD MORE] A large stream of purple water ran through the neighborhoods, wrapping around the entire perimeter.  It was like looking into a painting. Only a painting could be this beautiful, she thought.

Everything was so clean and sleek. It looked futuristic, but at the same time still somehow quaint. There were people moving everywhere she looked. They were tiny from up there in the pod, but they were still close enough to the ground that she could see some of their clothing.

One woman, blonde and very thin, was running in a jogging outfit through the streets of the bustling city; her hair swaying from left to right with every other step. She passed a man in a blue-grey suit, tailored immaculately to his well-defined body. His hair was black as coal and styled in a sort of slicked back meets faux hawk fashion that she had never seen before. As he smiled, Carly swore she could see the sparkle of his teeth even all the way up in the pod.

And it reminded her of the woman in the office. The woman who had called her name when she was inspecting her nails.

They must have a good dentist here, she thought, and as she did she let out a small giggle, pleased with her own joke.

Out of the corner of her eye, Carly saw something moving outside the pod window. She looked out to see a large bird flying through the air. It had a large midsection, so big, in fact, that it looked as if it shouldn’t have been able to fly at all, let alone with such grace and poise. Its yellow beak was long and curved downward. Looking at it floating in the sky, Carly had conflicting thoughts running through her head. She was positive she had never seen anything like the creature back home, but it looked strangely familiar at the same time.

“What is that?” she asked the pilot, pointing towards the bird.

He turned and grinned at her, letting out a peppy laugh. “What? You don’t recognize it?” He laughed again, shaking his head a bit in a playful way. “That, my dear, is a Dodo bird.”

A Dodo bird, she thought. She had remembered that name from her science class back in grade school. [ADD MORE REACTION]

“Wait, but aren’t they-“ she started, until the pilot cut her off.

“Extinct? Not over here, they’re not. Beautiful creatures, aren’t they?”

Carly stared at the creature soaring through the wind and started thinking about how magical it must feel to fly. Being able to look down upon the world, the people looking like ants, the buildings looking like toy models. The Dodo bird began to fly upwards, leaving Carly’s sight.

As she refocused her attention back to the city, she realized it wasn’t that the bird was flying higher, but the pod was starting to get lower.

The roads and people began to grow. Carly could feel the descend now, as the pod was tilting at a more extreme angle every second. She felt her stomach drop to her toes. They were going too fast. The pod was too close to the ground for them to possibly slow down enough in time.

She started to panic. Her heart raced inside her chest and her palms became moist. She took a firm hold of the handles on either side of her seat, looking over to the pilot with fear plastered across her face.

He looked at her, calm as can be, and laughed that hearty laugh again. “Don’t worry, my dear. We’re almost there.”

Carly gulped. Nothing about what the man had said had reassured her in the least.

“Are-Aren’t we going a little fast?” she stuttered. She looked out the window again and realized the ground couldn’t have been more than fifty feet below them now. She clenched her eyes shut and clenched her hands even harder on the seat, bracing for impact.

A loud beeping sound emerged from inside the pod. It startled Carly’s eyes open and she could see there was a flashing red light illuminating the entire cabin.

“What’s happening?” she screamed. “I told you! We were going too fast!”

And just as she said the last word, barely getting it out entirely, the pod came to a stop.

Her entire body shaking, she looked out the window. They weren’t completely on the ground, maybe twenty feet above it or so. It appeared they were hovering.

There were a few men standing outside on the pavement. All of them stood perfectly still and were in black clothing, completely covered everywhere except there faces. Black sunglasses covered their eyes. Behind them was a long limousine-styled car. It had slicker edges than any limo she’d ever seen and was a glittering gold. She watched as the door opened and a long leg extended out, a hellishly pointed stiletto at the bottom.

The woman who got out was wearing a completely white dress that cut off an inch above her knees. Its tight fabric squeezed every curve on the woman’s impeccable form. Her hair was a golden blonde, tightly wrapped together atop her head in a complicated, structure style. The curls looked like waves, overlapping and crossing through one another.

She wore large sunglasses that covered half of her face, resting on her, almost cartoonish-looking, tiny nose. Her lips were plump and glossed in a nude pink shade. She walked with confidence; her back stood tall, her shoulders back, and her tiny chin held up.

“Here we are, miss,” the pilot said, tipping his cap at her. “It was a pleasure transportin’ ya.”

Carly gave him a quick smile and walked to the front of a pod. The wall lifted and a small set of metal stairs extended from the side of the pod, unfolding itself as it lowered to the ground.

The woman in white stood at the foot of the steps, her eyes still hidden behind her ridiculously large sunglasses. Carly started walking down hesitantly, staring at the woman’s unchanging expression. When she reached the final step the woman reached out her hand.

“Hello, Carly. My name is Fiona Raine. It is truly a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

She said this with a slight smile, her lips barely parting. There was something about her Carly didn’t like. She didn’t know what or why, but there was something insincere in the way the woman spoke.

“Hi,” Carly said, cautiously meeting the woman’s hand with her own. “Where am I?”

The woman’s face looked concerned now, almost confused. She turned her head to one of the men covered in black, the rest of her body staying completely straight. “Hasn’t she met with her Advisor yet?” The man pulled out a silver square from one of the pockets of his vest, tapping and swiping his fingers on its screen frantically. He nodded his head in a quick and almost robotic way. She grabbed the square from the man and her eyes darted back and forth as she analyzed whatever was on it.

“Ah”, she said, handing the odd gadget back to the man. “I see Benjamin is your advisor. He should have explained everything to you during your meeting. Did he not do so?”

The way in which this woman spoke gave Carly chills up and down her spine. There was something so formal, so emotionless in the words that came from her mouth. It just felt unnatural.

“Well, he told me I died. He didn’t tell me how, though. Said I’d remember it soon enough. So what is- you’re telling me this is heaven or something?”

The woman laughed, which Carly realized was something she hadn’t thought the woman was capable of. The sound of it alone seemed odd.

“I guess you could call it that. But it’s certainly not what you learned about in Church or seen in the movies, my dear. Come with me and I’ll explain further.” She turned towards the limo and raised her hand, motioning for Carly to follow her.

“Don’t worry, darling”, she started, placing her dangerously sharp heels on the floor of the car. She looked up at Carly and removed her sunglasses from here face, revealing a pair of startling sapphire eyes. “I don’t bite.”


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